Entering prison again

Sorry, this sounds awful but I'm kind of having fun with the prison idea.  Hey, it's February in Wisconsin, we tend to get a little dark this time of year.  Today I released myself from prison and had my two favorite cookies from the co-op:  cowgirl and pumpkin (both vegan).  They were good but kind of strange too. The cowgirl cookie was kind of dry but I enjoyed the chewiness.  The chocolate chips actually tasted kind of yucky but I enjoyed whatever drugs are in the chocolate--I think that's the real appeal of chocolate.  Unfortunately, it interferes with my sleep.  The pumpkin cookie tasted good because it was sweet.  But it left a funny chemical taste in my mouth.  Maybe that's the sugar.  and my mouth was a little slippery--the oil I presume.   My PB and J on manna bread from a few days ago actually compared quite well to these cookies.  It had that satisfying chewy quality as well, and I think I prefer the less sweet.  I don't even mind that lack of salt (compared to the cookies).

So overall, eh, it was okay, I can't say I want anymore cookies right now, thankfully.  I'm ready to go back into prison.   I know if I kept going I'd get addicted because that's what sugar and chocolate do to you.  So I'm ready for some walls to protect me.  sorry, like I said I'm having fun with this.  It kind of fits the situation:  You try to stay in prison as long as possible.  Well, how easy it that?  Probably not so easy.  That reflects reality pretty well for a lot of people I think.  When you leave prison it's probably both a happy and sad event.  When you go back in, maybe it's happy, maybe sad, maybe both.   At least maybe you don't have so much negative judgment against yourself---what's to judge about leaving prison?   It turns the shame on its head.

Update the next morning:  Last night I stepped out of prison again to sample a few more things:  Let's see, a small piece of white bread (from a "demi-baguette") with a dab of jam, a small bowl of spaghetti noodles with tomato sauce, a few lightly salted peanuts, 2 pieces of chocolate, and a few lightly salted chips.  Really, not a binge of any sort, just some taste tests (it was okay, nothing to write home about).  But boy do I feel different today.  wow, what a reminder.  truly fascinating.  the chocolate interfered with my sleep.  I definitely look forward to returning to prison today, and feeling normal again tomorrow.  Interesting too how I conveniently forgot about the consequences even though I've experienced this plenty of times to remember.  That's the power of addiction.  I hate to be stark but that's what it feels like to me.  Well, I have too many things to do to think about it anymore.  Have a great day everyone.  I plan to despite my brain fog!

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