Nutritarian prison

I was at a meditation workshop this weekend and heard the following story:   say you are looking forward to going to your favorite park to have a picnic all day long with your family and/or friends.  You are taking the day off from work.   You are really looking forward to this.  The day comes, you go to the park, then the police show up and say, you have to stay here all day long.  You cannot leave.  Then what happens?  You probably want to leave!  You do not want to be locked up against your will.  That is how the brain reacts to commands.  That is why willpower is probably not so effective.  It may not be willpower that makes people succeed, but other types of motivation.   I certainly did not use willpower when I became a nutritarian.  I just thought this was a fun new way to eat and cook, and it was producing amazing results so I wanted to keep on going.

Well, after several years of being a nutritarian, I sometimes feel like I am in a prison too.  I am so used to eating healthy that I can't tolerate the unhealthy stuff.   I find it easier to go 100% healthy than 90%.  But that means I eat differently from everyone else, all the time.  This is easily twisted into feeling that I'm not allowed to eat what everyone else eats, and feeling sad about that.  They are all provided snacks and catered meals from one of the best restaurants in town, and I am not!   They are raving about the food and I can't have any!   Rationally, I know I likely wouldn't like the oily, salty food, and the snacks are mostly junk.

Rationally I get positive messages all the time that I am doing what I want to do.  At one point today we were supposed to meditate on pain and I was one of the few people in the room with no pain to meditate on.  I'm probably one of the few who doesn't take medications.  My lunch and snacks were yummy.

So why am I still after all these years experiencing jealousy?   Maybe it's just a last step of dredging up some old feelings so I can shed them like a snake sheds skin.  Would that ever be a relief.

The workshop was great by the way.  This is definitely a fun new adventure for me.   Hard to believe I'm saying that about sitting around doing nothing.  haha.

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